 |
| Ian Beale in Eastenders |
 |
| Tom Hanks in Cast Away |
My attempt at explaining Ian Beale's recent change in appearance:
"Ian Beale was a humble man with an equally humble profession in the fast food industry.
His life was turned upside down when he changed his line of work and became a courier.
All was good, he was comfortable and didn't smell of chip fat any more.
This was until his Fed-Ex cargo plane plummeted into the sea and he began to smell of jet fuel, seaweed and despair.
He sheltered himself from the elements in a cave and had to socialise with a blood stained volleyball and eat crabs.
He lay awake all night reminiscing of his 'restaurant' days and the simple yet rewarding times they provided for him and his (now distant) family.
His sorrow gradually turned into hope and ambition.
He concocted elaborate plans for his return which he plastered onto the cave wall with his own excrement.
Some of these plans involved time travel. Others, teleportation - A futuristic idea he had seen on some film with Geoff Goldblum in it.
None of these plans worked as he only had stones, coconuts, crab shells, palm leaves and sand to work with.
After wasting 9 months of his solitary existence, working on the 'Flux Pod' he resorted to making a raft from twigs.
He eventually drifted back to the land of TV soaps to sell chips again.
Everyone thought he had died in the crash and were openly disappointed to find he had survived.
They shouted, "Go back to being dead, Ian!!" and mocked his chip shop. They taunted him and compared the taste and texture of his chips to those you get from the Chinese.
Once again Ian found himself full of grief and vulnerability.
Now he longed for a quiet, uninhabited place with no disdain or mockery.
He knew he couldn't go back to the island because of the lease on the chip shop and the years of back payments he owed on his child support.
He also knew he couldn't bear to stay in the soaps.
One day the producer came in to ensure Ian knew his lines and found him face down in a bubbling deep fat fryer.
He had left a note on the pile of paper he used to loving wrap the pea mixes in.
It read, "I'm sorry Wilson."
FIN.
This was until his Fed-Ex cargo plane plummeted into the sea and he began to smell of jet fuel, seaweed and despair.
He sheltered himself from the elements in a cave and had to socialise with a blood stained volleyball and eat crabs.
He lay awake all night reminiscing of his 'restaurant' days and the simple yet rewarding times they provided for him and his (now distant) family.
His sorrow gradually turned into hope and ambition.
He concocted elaborate plans for his return which he plastered onto the cave wall with his own excrement.
Some of these plans involved time travel. Others, teleportation - A futuristic idea he had seen on some film with Geoff Goldblum in it.
None of these plans worked as he only had stones, coconuts, crab shells, palm leaves and sand to work with.
After wasting 9 months of his solitary existence, working on the 'Flux Pod' he resorted to making a raft from twigs.
He eventually drifted back to the land of TV soaps to sell chips again.
Everyone thought he had died in the crash and were openly disappointed to find he had survived.
They shouted, "Go back to being dead, Ian!!" and mocked his chip shop. They taunted him and compared the taste and texture of his chips to those you get from the Chinese.
Once again Ian found himself full of grief and vulnerability.
Now he longed for a quiet, uninhabited place with no disdain or mockery.
He knew he couldn't go back to the island because of the lease on the chip shop and the years of back payments he owed on his child support.
He also knew he couldn't bear to stay in the soaps.
One day the producer came in to ensure Ian knew his lines and found him face down in a bubbling deep fat fryer.
He had left a note on the pile of paper he used to loving wrap the pea mixes in.
It read, "I'm sorry Wilson."
FIN.
No comments:
Post a Comment